Crumpets and butter, I’ll shove it all in,
More cream and syrup dribbling down my chin.
I suck up the gravy, vomit and burp.
Fart - another pie - and a beer to slurp.

The stockmarket’s up, the money’s all mine
But I covet more assets – gold and fine wine.
I’ve a plush resort, and a mistress to heed.
I’ve expensive tastes – it’s certainly not greed.

This sheila, I want her, she makes me gasp,
I’ll nibble her neck, her breasts I will clasp.
My loins respond to overpowering lust.
I’ll have to use it, or I fear it will rust!

They say I’m goodlooking, with a superior brain.
There’d be few to beat me as a lover, a swain.
Yes, I’m rather attractive – ask any girl.
If they reach my high standards, I’ll give them a whirl

I’ll take it easy today, take things as they come.
I’m a satiated sloth, a languid bum.
Disaffected with work, I’d rather slumber.
Let’s watch the grass grow – not dance the rumba.

Bad grammar and Republicans wind me up!
Green bile and passion runneth over my cup!
Up the Royals, I say. Maintain the crown!
How dare you say Royalty’s a common noun!

I don’t want those present to be upset
As we meet each other for a tete-a-tete.
Our Discussion Group members enjoy none of those vices,
It’s the purer vision that attracts and entices.

It’s other people who let down the side,
We’re jolly near perfect I can say with some pride.


(Written for my Discussion Group members)

Of Envy, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Pride, Sloth and Wrath
Gordon Goward
I craved to be the President, a powerful position.
To select that nincompoop was the bloody wrong decision!
I’ll grind on as his Deputy and wait for him to blunder.
I’ll take his job and Lexus car and see him cast asunder